What is ithar, and how is it practised between husband and wife?

Ithar means putting another's needs before one's own even when one also needs the same thing — a level of character higher than mere fairness.
Allah praises the Ansar who preferred the Muhajirin over themselves even though they were in hardship, and whoever is saved from the stinginess of their own soul, they are the successful (al-Hashr 59:9). In married life, ithar shows in small things: letting one's spouse rest first, giving them the better portion of food, getting up at night for the baby so the other can sleep. Ithar must come from willingness, not compulsion, and it does not mean that only one person sacrifices all the time. When both put each other first, each one's rights are met without having to be demanded. See Rights of husband & wife.

Sources

Surah al-Hasyr 59:9Sahih al-Bukhari 13Surah al-Insan 76:8

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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