How can I be a husband with authority without being harsh and frightening at home?

True authority comes from being firm with yourself and gentle with your family, not the other way round. Allah said to His Prophet: “Had you been harsh and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you” (Surah Ali 'Imran 3:159). Be disciplined with yourself — prayer, promises, trusts — so that your family respects you through your example, not through fear. At home, lower your voice, listen first, and give instructions as polite requests. Children who obey out of love are more steadfast than children who comply out of fear. Start by checking: is my family calm or tense when I come home? See husbands' course.