My spouse's family expects us at every gathering until it wears us out. How do we decline some of them?

There is no need to attend every gathering; politely declining some is not wrong. Put important gatherings first and attend as far as you can without wearing out your family. Decline with a true reason and a gentle tone, not with excuses that hurt. Offer to visit at another time so the relationship stays strong. Discuss it with your spouse so the decision is shared and fair to both sides of the family. Avoid excessive guilt, because you too have a right over your time and energy. Sincere attendance means more than forced attendance. See in-laws.

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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