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💍 Khitbah & engagement · #78

After an enquiry or a proposal, how long is it reasonable for us to take before giving an answer?

The Shariah sets no particular period; what matters is that the time is enough to consider without leaving the man's side hanging. For most families, a few weeks is enough to ask people who know the man, talk with the daughter and pray istikharah. Tell the man's side from the start roughly how much time you need. If the decision needs longer, contact them and explain so they are not left wondering. Months of silence without any news can hurt feelings and hold both sides back from making other choices. A clear answer, even a ‘no’, is a form of kindness. See istikharah before accepting a proposal.
← PreviousA man's family came to make an enquiry (merisik) without letting us know in advance. How should we receive them and answer?Next →Someone has made an enquiry about my daughter, but she is not ready to marry yet. How do we answer without closing the door?

Related questions

For months the woman's family has not answered our proposal. Should we ask?Yes; asking politely is your right, and it helps both sides out of a state of limbo. Let a family representative …The woman has been proposed to but has not yet answered. May I propose to her too?In the Shafi'i school, yes, as long as the first proposal has not been clearly accepted. The prohibition on proposing over another'…Our families live far apart. Can the enquiry (merisik) be done by video call or WhatsApp?Yes; merisik is a custom for asking about intentions, and the Shariah does not prescribe how it is done. What matters is that g…Who should go in the proposal party, and how many people is reasonable?Bring people who can speak for the family and are respected by both sides; there is no need for a large number. Usua…Our two families follow very different customs. How do we handle this before the wedding?First distinguish between customs that do not conflict with religion, which can be celebrated, and practices that go against the …A proposal party is coming to our home. What do we need to prepare as hosts?Prepare a calm atmosphere, a family spokesperson who is ready, and an answer your daughter has agreed to. Simple refreshments…
This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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