We want to appoint an intermediary to resolve our conflict. How do we choose a fair arbitrator (hakam)?

A good arbitrator is fair, knowledgeable and trusted by both sides, not someone who will surely take your side. The Qur'an advises: “then appoint an arbitrator from the men's family and an arbitrator from the women's family” (Surah an-Nisa' 4:35). Choose someone who can listen to both sides without bias, keep confidences, and put reconciliation first, not anyone's victory. Avoid people who are easily swayed or who will spread the story. If the conflict involves legal rulings or rights, a sulh officer at the Syariah Court can help formally. Make your intention for the meeting reconciliation, and come with a heart ready to give way for the sake of what is good. See trials in a marriage.