In a serious dispute, how do we choose arbitrators (hakam) from both families?

Choose a sensible, fair and trustworthy person from each side, who intends to reconcile and not to win. Allah says: “...then appoint an arbitrator from the men's family and an arbitrator from the women's family...” (Surah an-Nisa' 4:35). A good arbitrator listens to both sides, keeps confidences, and looks for a fair solution. Avoid choosing someone who is too one-sided or hot-tempered. If the families find it hard to be fair, the dispute can be taken to the Syariah Court, which also appoints arbitrators or offers sulh (mediation). Intend this process for reconciliation, not to prove who is right. See syariah Court procedure.