🧒 Raising children (tarbiyah) · #189

The children have started carrying the rivalry between me and my co-wife into their relationships with each other. What should I do?

The hostility of adults should not be inherited by innocent children. Children learn from what they hear; if they often hear backbiting or snide remarks about the other side, they will copy them. Start by guarding your own tongue in front of them, even if your heart is still hurting. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Do not envy one another” (Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Birr wa as-Silah wa al-Adab). Explain to the children that issues between adults are not their business, and that they are free to love their siblings in the other home. If the pain is heavy, get support from a counsellor so that it does not flow down to the children. See relations between co-wives.

Sources

Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Birr wa as-Silah wa al-Adab (Book of Virtue, Joining of Ties and Good Manners)

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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