🧒 Raising children (tarbiyah) · #28
My young child often has tantrums in public. How should I deal with them in an Islamic way?
Stay calm first, make sure the child is safe, and do not reward the tantrum; tantrums are a normal stage of development, not a sign the child is bad.
Young children cannot yet name their feelings, so anger comes out as crying and stamping. The Prophet ﷺ taught that the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114) — parents have to be that strong person first. In practice: get down to the child's level, speak softly, name the feeling ("you are angry because you could not have the sweets"), move somewhere quieter, and do not give in to a request you have already refused. Once it has passed, hug the child and teach words for that feeling. Avoid tiredness and hunger, which often trigger tantrums. If tantrums are very frequent, prolonged or involve self-injury, see a paediatrician. See Educating the family.
Young children cannot yet name their feelings, so anger comes out as crying and stamping. The Prophet ﷺ taught that the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114) — parents have to be that strong person first. In practice: get down to the child's level, speak softly, name the feeling ("you are angry because you could not have the sweets"), move somewhere quieter, and do not give in to a request you have already refused. Once it has passed, hug the child and teach words for that feeling. Avoid tiredness and hunger, which often trigger tantrums. If tantrums are very frequent, prolonged or involve self-injury, see a paediatrician. See Educating the family.
Sources
Sahih al-Bukhari 6114Sahih al-Bukhari 6125Surah Ali 'Imran 3:134