💍 Khitbah & engagement · #65
How can I get to know my fiancé(e)'s real character before it is too late?
Watch how they treat others and behave under pressure, because true character shows most clearly in anger, disappointment and dealings with money.
The Prophet ﷺ told families to accept a suitor whose faith and character they are pleased with (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084), and ʿUmar r.a. is known for judging people by living with them, travelling with them and dealing with them in money. Things to watch: how they speak to their mother, siblings, waiters and workers; whether they keep promises and time; how they react when you say "no"; whether they control your clothes, friends or phone; and how they handle debt. Ask people who have known them a long time — this is permitted and is not backbiting. Warning signs such as extreme jealousy, threats or violence will not disappear with marriage. See the question on checking a background.
The Prophet ﷺ told families to accept a suitor whose faith and character they are pleased with (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084), and ʿUmar r.a. is known for judging people by living with them, travelling with them and dealing with them in money. Things to watch: how they speak to their mother, siblings, waiters and workers; whether they keep promises and time; how they react when you say "no"; whether they control your clothes, friends or phone; and how they handle debt. Ask people who have known them a long time — this is permitted and is not backbiting. Warning signs such as extreme jealousy, threats or violence will not disappear with marriage. See the question on checking a background.
Sources
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1084 (hasan)Surah al-Hujurat 49:6Surah al-Qasas 28:26