How can I find out how my future spouse handles anger and conflict before we marry?

Watch how they act when they do not get what they want, not only when everything is going smoothly. How a person handles small disappointments, other people's mistakes, or differing opinions reveals a lot about their true character. Notice how they treat shop workers, drivers or subordinates when under pressure. Discuss it directly: ‘In your family, how were arguments usually resolved?’ Their answer and tone of voice give clues. Someone who quickly shouts, blames, or goes silent for a long time when hurt may do the same later. Choose someone who can discuss things calmly, because that brings calm to the whole marriage. See communication & emotions.