🕊️ Conflict & resolution · #176

How do I know whether I am experiencing coercive control and not just a firm spouse?

Coercive control is a continuing pattern that shrinks your freedom through monitoring, threats, isolation and restrictions, until you live in fear. Signs include having every step checked, being cut off from money and people, and being blamed for everything. Healthy firmness does not make you afraid or strip you of dignity. If you feel unsafe, call the police on 999, and Talian Kasih 15999 to assess your situation with a trained counsellor. Write down the incidents that happen so the pattern becomes clearer to you. Trusting your feelings is the first step; you are not exaggerating. See domestic violence.

← PreviousMy spouse forbids me from seeing family and friends until I am isolated. What should I do?Next →I am not ready to leave yet, but I want to be safer in a controlling relationship. What can I do?

Related questions

How do I know when my spouse's jealousy has become dangerous and is not just an ordinary feeling?Jealousy becomes dangerous when it turns into threats, total control, or anything that makes you afraid. Signs inc…My spouse forbids me from seeing family and friends until I am isolated. What should I do?Isolating you from family and friends is one of the most dangerous signs of coercive control, because it …My husband gives me far too little money and questions every cent I spend. Is this control?Giving deliberately insufficient money and then checking every expense in order to control you is a form of fi…My adult children know their father was unfaithful and are very angry. How do I handle this?Adult children’s anger at their father’s betrayal is natural, but you can guide them so they are not consumed by hat…I feel no one hears my suffering in this relationship. Does Allah know what I am going through?Allah knows and hears every hardship you face, even at the moments you feel most alone. Allah says: “Inde…My unfaithful spouse is now blaming me as the cause. How should I understand this?Shifting the blame onto you is a common way for the guilty party to avoid responsibility, and it does not make you the caus…

This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

Comments or feedback

Read only by the MYPolygyny administrator — never published.

About Us · Ask · Site Map · Privacy · Editorial policy · Disclaimer