🧒 Raising children (tarbiyah) · #56
Can praising a child too often spoil them? What is the right way to praise?
Honest, specific praise builds a child up; excessive, empty praise can make them dependent on praise or conceited.
The Prophet ﷺ rebuked a man who praised another excessively, saying "you have cut your friend's neck" (Sahih al-Bukhari 6061) — a sign that excessive praise can harm. He himself praised specifically: to Ashajj of ʿAbd al-Qays he said, you have two qualities that Allah loves, forbearance and deliberation (Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Iman). In practice: instead of "how clever!", say "you really worked hard to finish that exercise even though it was difficult". Praise effort, character and diligence, not just looks or exam results. Praise in front of others modestly, and correct in private. See Educating the family.
The Prophet ﷺ rebuked a man who praised another excessively, saying "you have cut your friend's neck" (Sahih al-Bukhari 6061) — a sign that excessive praise can harm. He himself praised specifically: to Ashajj of ʿAbd al-Qays he said, you have two qualities that Allah loves, forbearance and deliberation (Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Iman). In practice: instead of "how clever!", say "you really worked hard to finish that exercise even though it was difficult". Praise effort, character and diligence, not just looks or exam results. Praise in front of others modestly, and correct in private. See Educating the family.
Sources
Sahih al-Bukhari 6061Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-ImanSurah al-Hujurat 49:11