🧒 Raising children (tarbiyah) · #46
My teenager is increasingly defiant and distant. How can I reconnect?
Cut down on orders and lectures, and spend more time listening; teenagers need connection before they accept advice.
Luqman's counsel to his son begins with the tender address "O my son" and comes with reasons, not just commands (Luqman 31:13–19). Allah says that had the Prophet ﷺ been harsh, people would have fled from him (Al ʿImran 3:159), and he said that Allah loves gentleness in all matters (Sahih al-Bukhari 6024). In practice: find time alone together, such as driving or eating out; listen without passing judgement at once; choose what truly matters to insist on (prayer, safety, dignity) and give room on small things such as hairstyles; admit your own mistakes. If there are signs of depression, drugs, self-harm or dangerous company, get professional help at once. See Educating the family and Mental health.
Luqman's counsel to his son begins with the tender address "O my son" and comes with reasons, not just commands (Luqman 31:13–19). Allah says that had the Prophet ﷺ been harsh, people would have fled from him (Al ʿImran 3:159), and he said that Allah loves gentleness in all matters (Sahih al-Bukhari 6024). In practice: find time alone together, such as driving or eating out; listen without passing judgement at once; choose what truly matters to insist on (prayer, safety, dignity) and give room on small things such as hairstyles; admit your own mistakes. If there are signs of depression, drugs, self-harm or dangerous company, get professional help at once. See Educating the family and Mental health.
Sources
Surah Luqman 31:13Surah Ali 'Imran 3:159Sahih al-Bukhari 6024