What is the ruling on repeatedly bringing up what one has given or sacrificed for one's spouse?

Bringing up one's gifts is blameworthy conduct and can wipe out the reward of the giving.
Allah says: do not ruin your charity with reminders of your generosity and with hurt (al-Baqarah 2:264), and a kind word and forgiveness are better than charity followed by hurt (2:263). These verses concern charity, but the principle applies to maintenance and help within the home, which also count as charity. Words such as "who pays for this house?" or "I sacrificed my career for you" during a quarrel turn a kindness into a weapon. If there really is an imbalance in the load, discuss it at a calm time as an issue to be resolved, not as something to throw back. See Family finances.

Sources

Surah al-Baqarah 2:264Surah al-Baqarah 2:263Sahih al-Bukhari 5351

← PreviousMay a husband or wife keep secrets from their spouse?Next →It is often said that a wife should adorn herself for her husband. Should a husband also look after his appearance for his wife?

Related questions

What is the ruling on cursing one's spouse or praying for harm to befall them in anger?It is forbidden; a believer is not one who curses, and a prayer for harm may be answered at a moment one does not expect.…May one bring up a spouse's sins or past from before the marriage?No; sins that have been repented of and concealed by Allah should not be brought up, let alone used as a weapon during…What is the ruling on spreading the faults of a co-wife or former spouse after the relationship has ended?It is still backbiting, and the end of the relationship does not make it lawful. Al-Hujurat 49:12 forbids spying on others' faults …What is the ruling on using coarse language at home, even if not directed at one's spouse?The tongue at home is not exempt from the rules that govern it outside. The Prophet ﷺ said: whoever believes in A…What is the ruling on calling a spouse or co-wife by belittling nicknames?Al-Hujurat 49:11 forbids it specifically: let not one people ridicule another people, nor let women ridic…What is the ruling on backbiting or speaking ill of a co-wife to others?Forbidden — backbiting a co-wife is the same as backbiting any Muslim. The Prophet ﷺ defined ghibah as mentioning about your brot…

This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

Comments or feedback

Read only by the MYPolygyny administrator — never published.

About Us · Ask · Site Map · Privacy · Editorial policy · Disclaimer