💍 Khitbah & engagement · #52

The bride's family is asking for a very high hantaran. How can it be negotiated well?

The hantaran is a custom, not a pillar of marriage; it can be negotiated politely, and Islam encourages making marriage easy.
The Prophet ﷺ told families to accept a suitor of good faith and character, for otherwise there will be trial and corruption (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084). The mahr is the woman's obligatory right (an-Nisa' 4:4), while the hantaran is a customary gift towards the cost of the wedding. How to negotiate: send a respected representative; explain your real means and your financial plans after marriage; suggest a reasonable amount or a smaller event; and avoid taking a personal loan just for the hantaran. The bride's side should judge a suitor by faith, character and ability to provide, not by the size of the hantaran. The bride-to-be can help persuade her family. See the difference between mahr and hantaran.

Sources

Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1084 (hasan)Surah an-Nisa' 4:4Surah al-Furqan 25:67

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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