💍 Khitbah & engagement · #55

I am engaged to a divorcee or widow(er) who has children. What should be prepared before the marriage?

Get to know the children gradually, understand the custody and maintenance arrangements with the former spouse, and discuss your role clearly before the wedding.
The Prophet ﷺ himself married several widows with children, and caring for stepchildren counts as a great kindness. Things to discuss: who holds custody and the visiting schedule; that the children's maintenance remains their natural father's responsibility; the mahram status of stepchildren after the marriage (an-Nisa' 4:23); where you will live; and how discipline will work. Respect the former spouse as the children's mother or father. Do not expect the children to accept you quickly; give them time. Also make sure your fiancé(e)'s divorce has been registered and, for a woman, that her ʿiddah has ended before the contract. See Remarriage.

Sources

Surah an-Nisa' 4:23Surah al-Baqarah 2:233Surah al-Baqarah 2:235

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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