🕊️ Conflict & resolution · #53
I want to go to marriage counselling but my spouse refuses. What are my options?
Go on your own first; individual counselling still helps you understand the pattern of conflict and how to respond, and often makes the other spouse more open later.
Allah encourages reconciliation, saying that settlement is better (an-Nisa' 4:128), and appointing arbiters when a breakdown is feared (an-Nisa' 4:35). A spouse usually refuses out of embarrassment, fear of being blamed or thinking counselling is "for people about to divorce". How to invite them: use "we" and "for the family", not "you are the problem"; suggest a counsellor they would be more comfortable with, for example a male counsellor or a qualified religious teacher; and suggest one trial session. District Islamic religious offices offer marriage guidance, and in court proceedings, sulh and the Conciliatory Committee also help. See Counselling.
Allah encourages reconciliation, saying that settlement is better (an-Nisa' 4:128), and appointing arbiters when a breakdown is feared (an-Nisa' 4:35). A spouse usually refuses out of embarrassment, fear of being blamed or thinking counselling is "for people about to divorce". How to invite them: use "we" and "for the family", not "you are the problem"; suggest a counsellor they would be more comfortable with, for example a male counsellor or a qualified religious teacher; and suggest one trial session. District Islamic religious offices offer marriage guidance, and in court proceedings, sulh and the Conciliatory Committee also help. See Counselling.