💍 Khitbah & engagement · #88

My younger sister received a proposal before me. Is it wrong for her to ‘step over the threshold’ (langkah bendul)?

It is not wrong in the Shariah; everyone's match comes by Allah's decree, not by birth order. The ‘langkah bendul’ custom and the gift to the older sister are society's way of sparing feelings, not a condition for a valid marriage. If you feel hurt, acknowledge that feeling to yourself and to someone you trust; the feeling is normal. Tell your sister: ‘I am happy for you. Do not delay because of me.’ Those words give her peace and protect your bond as sisters. Allah says: “And do not covet that in which Allah has favoured some of you over others” (Surah an-Nisa' 4:32). Parents, for their part, should avoid hurtful jokes about who was ‘stepped over’. See when a match is slow to come.

Sources

Surah an-Nisa' 4:32

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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