💍 Khitbah & engagement · #28
If someone asks my opinion about a man proposing to their daughter, may I mention his faults?
Yes, and it is even obligatory to speak truthfully when asked for advice, but only as far as necessary.
Scholars exempt advice about marriage from the prohibition of backbiting (ghibah). When Fatimah bint Qais asked for advice about Mu'awiyah and Abu Jahm, the Prophet ﷺ mentioned that Mu'awiyah was poor and Abu Jahm did not put his stick down from his shoulder (was harsh towards women). The Prophet ﷺ also said that the one whose advice is sought is entrusted. The limits: mention only facts relevant to the marriage such as character, religion or responsibility, not old sins that have been repented of and have no bearing, do not embellish, and do not tell it to others who did not ask.
Scholars exempt advice about marriage from the prohibition of backbiting (ghibah). When Fatimah bint Qais asked for advice about Mu'awiyah and Abu Jahm, the Prophet ﷺ mentioned that Mu'awiyah was poor and Abu Jahm did not put his stick down from his shoulder (was harsh towards women). The Prophet ﷺ also said that the one whose advice is sought is entrusted. The limits: mention only facts relevant to the marriage such as character, religion or responsibility, not old sins that have been repented of and have no bearing, do not embellish, and do not tell it to others who did not ask.
Sources
Sahih Muslim, Kitab at-TalaqNarrated by Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi (hasan): 'al-mustasyar mu'taman' (the one consulted is entrusted)